You Came Tumbling After
by hopelesslylazy
Summary: A lot of random ficlets, mostly Addison-centric. Maddison, Addek, well, just about anything really.
1. Addison, Abandonment

_Okay, so I write really sporadically and never much at a time, but figured I'd throw them all on here just as separate chapters because nothing I write should ever be considered a fic by itself. Also, I wrote them all while intoxicated and am far too lazy to go through and spell check and what not. You've been warned. Some of them are mean. Sometimes I kill characters. Those I hate and those I love more than anything._

"Mama"

It's her favorite word to hear because Ella says it so enthusiastically now, pudgy hands in the air, demanding to be swung up into her arms and she grabs her up and tickles the tiny girl until they're both giggling. She loves her daughter. She does. But she hates her life. The stress is something she wasn't prepared for, the feeling of constant death lurking around every corner, the fear of not knowing the future of her daughter. Mark tells her to calm down. She'll get hurt. She'll break a bone, get her heart broken, and they'll put her in a cast, kiss it all better, and he'll find the boy who breaks her heart and break _his_ bones, but it doesn't feel like simple worrying. She's scared. All the time. She can't breathe with all of the thoughts that swirl through her brain.

What if someone takes her from the park when Mark isn't looking?

What if she gets sick?

What if she gets to the cleaner under the sink?

What if she can't do this and she's ruining her daughter's life?

That's the question plaguing her this week, less focused on the now of Ella's life and more the future. What if she can't handle this? What if Ella hates her forever?

"Mark, we need to talk."

But he's just gotten home from work and all he wants to do is cuddle up to the baby and check up on the latest Yankees game he had to miss.

"That was an awful pitch," he informs his daughter, catching the highlights. "After this, okay?" He glances up and offers her a smile and she tries her best to smile back.

"Okay."

They both fall asleep on the couch, identical snores falling from their lips.

"I'm sorry."

The bag she packed is light. She'll be giving up a lot of designer clothes and most of her shoes, but she can't stay, not when her chest aches every second of the day. She wants to kiss them both goodbye, but she can't risk it, so she grabs her coat, wipes a tear away and closes the door as quiet as she can manage.

She wants to get far away. He'll check Savvy first, so that's out, but the idea of leaving New York or heading home to Connecticut is too much to bare, so she takes money from the ATM, pays for a hotel room in cash, ditches her phone. She can't hear his voice, not when it will be frantic and worried with Ella crying in the background. They'll be better off. She'd never wanted to go through with it in the first place. She would ruin them both.

A week goes by in the hotel room, hours of just thoughts crowding her mind. She hopes they'll stop looking for her, that Mark will teach Ella to be strong, confident, that he'll forget she ever was a part of their lives, that Ella won't remember her at all. She's small. It's early. She'll come out of this whole situation unscathed.

When she sees her picture on the news, she knows she has to call.

_I'm fine._

_Stop looking._

_Take care of her._

_I love you._


	2. Addek, I Dare You

Sharing a trailer is not exactly a place where secrets stay hidden long. She gets up earlier than him even when he works before she does, quietly pulls on her loosest skirt, looks in the mirror only long enough for her mind to wander for a quick second, finger brushing the slight pouch before she snaps back, sucks in, and pulls the zipper up over the bulge. She dodges him when he asks if she wants coffee and finds excuses when he carries in a bottle of wine after he's had a particularly hard day(meaning he's been pining over the intern a little more than usual). It works for a while. He never notices. She shouldn't have expected him to notice. He wouldn't have in New York, but it still hurts. Not that she even has a right to be hurting when she's the one carrying around the bastard child of her husband's best friend. She told Mark she aborted, screamed that he would be a horrible father, that fathers don't fuck every nurse in the hospital, that he'd ruin their child, and she saw his pain. He wasn't ready. That much she knew, but it didn't mean he'd be a failure. She was selfish. She wanted the baby and she wanted her husband. Mark didn't fit in.

"Something's different about you."

It's Dr. Burke who's the first to suspect something. He's too polite to ever really say anything, but Addison gets scared, goes shopping, buys more clothes that are too baggy and he should notice, but he doesn't. He might give her a glance every few days, but he never says anything, and she finds herself crying herself to sleep at nights because it's just like New York and nothing's changing and she has no right to be sad because she's keeping something huge from him, but that only makes her cry harder and apologize to the tiny being within. She's not ashamed, she promises the baby, she just needs to keep this to herself, just for now, just to see how their lives could be. It's not looking hopeful.

"Do you like this blouse?" She dares him to notice, pulls the fabric against her growing abdomen, nudges him, makes him look.

"It's nice."

He smiles and nods and then goes back to his reading, a fishing magazine to show off his new mountain man personality.

"You don't think I'm gaining weight?" She tries again, but she's well into her second trimester now and definitely showing.

"No. Not all all."

He doesn't even look up this time. She can blame it on the male species' inherent desire to never speak about weight, but this is Derek and it never did bother him all that much to tell her how hideous a color looked on her. He's simply stopped seeing her.

"I'm pregnant." It grabs his attention, forces the magazine from him hand, and for a second she's thrilled. He's looking at her, actually looking at her, but she can see his brain working, the math running through his head and her thrill dissolves. "It's Mark's." Because she can see his mouth about to open, question her loyalty and she just wants this moment to end. It does. He throws the magazine across the tiny room and storms out, rocking the whole tin can, making her nauseous. "I'm sorry," she cries later that night when she's curled in the uncomfortable bed, rubbing a tired hand along her stomach, phone cradled to her ear. He's still not back. She assumes he's fucking the intern. "I want to come home."


	3. Addison Montgomery Meets Dana Scully

She just wants the class to be over so she can go home and pull him into her arms, breathe in his perfect smell and hear his breathing close to her chest. He's all she has now, their work feels like it's not even theirs anymore and she doesn't even know where he is but William, he keeps her going, makes her realize that life is still worth living. He has his father's eyes and they pierce into hers at night when she wants to cry, but she can't because she was always supposed to be the strong one and now that it's just her and William, that can't change. Her class ends and her studends pour out of the auditorium and she gathers up papers and thinks about her son, but another redhead reaches her desk before she has a chance to leave the room.

"I'm sorry. You can plan a meeting if you want to talk to me. Later this week. Now isn't a good time." She's not even looking up from her papers.

"No. I'm not a student." and that's when she looks up. "I'm Addison Montgomery. I'm here for the week, teaching a class next door. I just, your work has always interested me. I wanted to stop by and see you. If you're busy, it's fine."

"No. It's just, my son, he's waiting. I could call the sitter if you wanted to get a coffee." She'd never put off her son for anyone, but she's intrigued.

They sit for over an hour talking, the antics of Mulder and all the cases she found herself on and then the topic landed on William and their shared fears when it comes to children and fertility and Dana Scully can't help but pull the taller woman into a hug when she breaks down crying over her failed attempts. She cries that God is punishing her for Ella and that's why the IVF isn't working and Scully doesn't ask who Ella is. She just holds her closer and promises that God isn't punishing her for anything in her past. Emily and Ella. Ghosts of their pasts. She knows the heartbreak of a mother, one who lost a child before ever getting to have that part of them realized. Addison apologizes and she knows that crying isn't something this woman is used to doing in public and with an almost perfect stranger, but she just tells her to give it another round and if it's supposed to happen, it will.

She shows up a year later, hands and smile full. She meets her as soon as class starts to let out, runs up and almost throws the baby into her arms. "Her name is Katherine, Kate, for you." And then comes the coffee talk only this time Dana is the one crying and Addison's the one consoling her and promising her that things will be okay, that she did the right thing because now Addison's the mother and she's the one who gave up her chance at having everything she'd wanted.


	4. Addison, MarkAmelia, The Funeral

He knows better than to allow any of the "sunshine kills braincells" Los Angeles people she works with to handle the arrangements because he promised her that it wouldn't be L.A. and that it wouldn't be sad. Well, one out of two. Did she really think that the burial of a woman in her forties wouldn't be sad? Especially the fiery redhead he loved more than he had ever thought himself capable. She also made him promise not to invite everyone.

_I don't want to be Bizzy _she'd said when her eyes were too glazed over to even notice he was there. _I don't want to be a circus attraction. _

So he limits who gets to come, watch as she's lowered into the ground. Richard, his wife, Derek, but no Meredith, it would be too much, he thinks, Archer, The Captain, Naomi, Savannah and Weiss. It's a small group because he wants to please her, he always has and he knows that he won't be able to keep up the not being sad thing, so he has to step up to her other demands. She'll be watching, his brain screams. She'll haunt you forever if you screw this up. He wants it to be true because at least he'd get to feel her again. Except the rational side knows that the last time he felt her, cold grip, whispered promises, ragged breath, is all he has left.

Amelia grabs for his hand during the priest's eulogy. She'd helped the planning. He's not sure he'd been able to do it alone. He's single-handedly thrown the most talked about event of the year following his own mother's death, but Addison? So he was glad for Amelia.

"Can you believe it?" Her voice squeaks barely above a whisper. "She was fine six months ago, Mark. I was telling her to go fuck herself," he feels her breath hitch at the confession. "How did it get so bad so fast?"

"There are some brain tumors even you can't fix," he whispers in her hair because he knows he's hurting, but it can't be the same as the guilt she's feeling. "There's nothing you could have done."

They talk about her at the Brownstone where food is passed out and the stories are too hard to take.

"Derek doesn't get to talk about her," Amelia screams when Mark has guided her up the stairs, into the guest room across the hall from where she'd slept for years. The room is all Addison.

"He lost her too, Amy."

"No. He didn't. He left her. I lost her. You lost her, but he left her. He can't wander around with that sad look on his face like he's the victim of tragedy. She deserves more, Mark."

"I know."

He leans in to hug her, but her lips catch his and it all becomes too much for him to deal with.

This house.

This day.

This life.

So they fall onto the guest bed and their anger finally gets to be released. It's not healthy. Who fucks someone at the funeral of the person they love the most? But they're damaged and Addison would understand that. Amelia likes to think she'd be happy that they were helping each other, but it's not enough, the bites, the bruises. They don't make mask the pain enough, so she hits him, her palm stinging, her handprint lingering on his chest. He inhales hard and she hits him again, his face this time. She wants him to hit her back, to make her feel something more than the ache of loneliness in her chest, but he doesn't. He stands and he accepts the blows as they escalate, open to fisted, soft to hard, the pace igniting.

When they're found, they're both sleeping in a pile on the floor, Mark red in too many places, Amelia's face wet from tears.

They don't leave New York when the others do. She's here now and neither of them is going to leave her again.


	5. Callie, Maddison, Unraveling

The call comes in frantic. She's mostly asleep when it reaches her ear, but it's Richard and he's scared and that wakes her up. And then it's a jumble of words.

Accident.

Callie.

Mark.

Please.

It's been less than a year since his last call and it's so familiar that her heart starts to break as she envisions the broken mess of her once best friend in a hospital bed. He doesn't tell her much. She's afraid to ask. Her suitcase is packed, so fast that she's not even worried about matching at this point and is on the next flight out. She thinks it can't be that bad if he didn't send a helicopter, but if it's Callie and Mark, she's not much help as a doctor anyway.

He meets her outside, eyes red and she hugs him and gets up the courage to ask. His voice breaks as he leads her inside and to the elevator. _It isn't fair_, he tells her. _She was so careful, after last year. Always wearing a seatbelt. _

He doesn't have to tell her that it's too late.

She can see it on Arizona's face, leaning close on the bed.

She can see it in Mark's eyes as he clings to the infant in his arms.

She hates that she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees him.

She hates the way she loves it when he clings to her, Sofia between them, crying at the loss she surely doesn't understand yet.

_Thank you for coming_ he says later when they're tangled in his bed because he needed to make the pain stop and who was she to deny him that? She thanks Sofia for crying when the silence starts to make her want to cry herself and excuses herself to take care of the tiny girl.

It doesn't take long for her shoes to be shipped and scattered across the living room along with Sofia's toys and she thrills in the idea of getting father and daughter to smile again. It's been a month and Sofia's starting to walk, toddling close to the couch to keep her balance. She stays home with the baby when Mark decides he needs work and when Arizona shows up, Addison quickly lets her in.

And that's how Mark finds them when he comes home, Arizona on one end of the room, arms held out, and Sofia and Addison on the other, cooing and praising the little girl to take her first steps. He slams the door and immediately begins fixing a drink, which he gulps and then slams on the counter as well.

"Get out."

It's a whisper, but they both hear the harsh undertones and Arizona kisses her baby before looking at Mark, expecting something. They'd grown close before this all happened, but "get out" reverberates across the entire apartment this time and with tears falling, she leaves.

"Mark," Addison tries to talk to him, tries to make him see that he isn't the only one who's hurting and that Sofia needs her mommy, but he doesn't want to listen, so he picks up his daughter and takes her to her room, locking Addison out.

The papers come a week later.

"Mark, you can't just pack up and leave. Think about Sofia!" She's screaming as he throws things into bags, makes sure to be careful when he gets to Sofia's, things Callie bought.

"She'll have you. And me. She'll be fine and she'll love New York. The city in December? You know how much you wanted that for our child. Sofia can have the life you dreamed of."

Her heart breaks a little and she makes arrangements for New York.

It doesn't change anything. Arizona gets a court order and they're not allowed to take Sofia over state lines. _She doesn't have a case _Mark says when they're walking into the courtroom because he's her blood, because Arizona only has a piece of paper that Callie may have signed but she is his.

_Just let her see Sofia_ Addison pleads that night when the court decides it needs more time. "She lost the love of her life, Mark."

And he does, but only once a week and only in his presence and when the court gets around to making a ruling four months later, he packs up his daughter and asks Addison to follow him.

She wants to tell him no, wants to say that it isn't right, that Arizona deserves her daughter, but the thrill of hearing Sofia call her mama feels too good and they leave that night, tuck Sofia into bed in the old Brownstone she'd never had the courage to put on the market.

She should feel guilty.

She should feel selfish.

She should feel like a horrible person.

She doesn't.

She feels like a mother.

And a wife.


	6. Drabbles, Part One

Addison/Burke

"Preston."

His ears perk up. He'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Addison Montgomery," he pulls her into hug, "didn't think I'd run into you here."

"You got lucky," she laughs as they untangle. "How have you been?"

They get lost in each other in the hotel lobby, finding their way to the bar. She tells him about the last five years, minus a few relationships and the ever present desire for children because she never did know him all that well and she loves hearing about what he's been up to, making great strides in his field, earning awards in the south. She's proud of him.

She's not sure when talking about hearts and babies turns into something else, but they end up in the elevator and on their way to the seventh floor and his mouth is on her neck and then he's whispering something in her and she can't make it out because his fingers are stroking her through her dress and it's so very high school, but she's loving every second of it.

They fall into her room because she wasn't about to end up stranded somewhere without the rest of her clothes and his lips are back on hers as soon as her dress is lifted over her head.

"I always wanted kinda wanted to do this, Preston," she tells him later when she's still breathing hard and listening to the strong beat of his heart.

"I always kinda wanted to do this too," he echoes.

"Is that why you hated Derek so much?"

Mark/Cristina, abortion talk

He sees her after, eyes wide and face pale. He doesn't see her husband anywhere near so he walks up to her, hands her a coffee.

"I get it," he tells her when he sits beside her. "Don't feel guilty. Ever."

He says it with such emotion, such strength and his eyes look into hers and she nods because he won't stop staring and she's never said more than two words at a time to the guy and she' really unnerved by the whole thing.

"I don't."

"Good. Because the guilt gets to you. It shouldn't because it was for the best and kids deserve more than a parent not dedicated to them. It's better this way."

She realizes this has become more about him than her. She wants to roll her eyes, tell him to man up, and leave, but she doesn't.

"You still feel guilty."

"It's good that you had that strength. You did the right thing. It would have been a mistake."

And then Mark walks away before she has the chance to say anything else.

Mark/Sydney

She's happy and polite. Everything he hates, but right now everything he hates is the only thing that will keep him from thinking about her. When her grating laugh takes up the entire space of the room, it's harder to focus on the fact that he actually left her in bed, in Los Angeles. When her shrill voice tells him they should go to the upcoming fair and when he wins her a giraffe and she screams, he can forget that he almost had everything and let it slip from his fingers. Again. The woman. The baby. The second time he'd had both so close, but his fucked up brain wouldn't let him keep it.

"Hello. Are you listening, Mr. Zoned Out?"

"No, I'm here," he laughs and it's as fake as her happiness seems.

He feels bad for leaving without a word the next morning, not an emotion he ever felt all that much, but she was nice to him. It takes remembering the nicknames she came up for him to make the guilt die and he finds himself on the next plane to Los Angeles.

Cooper/Addison - finding comfort

She's Addison Forbes Montgomery, which means she does not get stood up, except for that one time by the lake when she was a teenager, but that in no way counts. Pete Wilder stood her up and that is simply unacceptable, so when Cooper shows up and they eat pizza and he tells her about Violet and she tells him about Pete, she thinks she might as well. He's hurting. Clearly. She's more angry than anything, but he's there and she's wearing this red thing she thought Pete would enjoy and hell, somebody should enjoy it, so she kisses him. He'll think she was drunk and not thinking clearly in the morning, but she's a Forbes and Forbes' can hold their wine. She's entirely in control when she pulls him from the couch and up the stairs and she's more than lucid when she tells him what to do. He's good. She gives him that. All the anonymous hookups made sure of that and she screams when he flicks his tongue and then moves up her body to meet her. She wanted him to be Pete. She feels bad because he's trying so hard and doing really great things. She's grateful he gathers his clothes when they're finished and leaves without her having to ask. She was always bad at that. She only did the one night stand thing once, twice now if she's counting.

Amelia/Charlotte, finding ways to have fun while sober

"Let me help you."

She's desperate. She doesn't make friends easily or like many people for that matter, but she likes Amelia Shepherd. A lot. And to watch this beautiful woman give in to the destruction that comes with addiction and pills, it's hard because she's been there and she's hit bottom and she's killed a woman and nothing felt worse than that except maybe watching someone she considers a friend headed down the same path.

"How? How are you going to help me?"

She can sense the pain in her voice, the desperation. She knows Amelia's close to self destructing and before she ends up dead on in jail or on the other end of a murder she'll never forgive herself for, she knows she has to come up with something.

"Distraction. If you have something else to focus on, maybe it will help curb the need."

Amelia rolls her eyes and they're just a little too lifeless for her liking. "What? Should I take up knitting?"

"Would it help?" is her immediate response, but it won't and so she offers herself because at least she's not on drugs and she won't be offering any to go along with orgasms like the guy who's been staying with her.

She trades the pills in for time with Charlotte. It starts slow because she's resistant to the idea of feeling and the pills make that easier, but Charlotte is harsh and brutal and soon she craves nights with Charlotte more than she ever craved the rush of a high. They leave bruises and break the skin, but it's the price of sobriety.

Mark/Charlotte - shut up

"Aren't you married to that annoying pediatrician?" It doesn't bother him. Not at all. Not the first married woman he's fucked. And she probably won't be the last. He needs her to remember though because he knows how they like to forget their husbands, get lost in the feeling and he likes to be the one to crash reality on them. Part of his sickness, his therapist had said.

"Shut up."

Her eyes don't glaze over with the guilt he'd expect like the women he's with usually do. She does tighten her grip in his hair and push his hand out of the way so she can use her own fingers. He really likes her. He did last time he was in Los Angeles. It's the accent and the bossiness. She's like Addison, only she's not and his mind can't deal with the mindfuck that is that thought when he's watching her bring herself off on top of him, so he does what she says and shuts his mouth and focuses more on reaching his own release.

Addison/Derek — hot dog Thanksiving

She's been planning it since Halloween because they're her family and she just wants to make her mother-in-law proud, but this is the first Thanksgiving she's ever had that wasn't catered and so she plans. She buys cookbooks, tortures Derek and Mark with questions about the Shepherd clan's likes and dislikes and forces them to try samples of trial food. The more trials you have, the less chance of error when it comes time to have the real deal. That's what she thinks and by Derek and Mark's nods in appreciation as they scarf down their sixth turkey dinner of November, she thinks she finally has it right.

Nancy starts to pale and Mark says it's probably the flu and Amelia asks if she's pregnant, but Carolyn says it must be the turkey and demands that the entire table stop eating. Derek reaches a hand under the table to calm his new wife and Carolyn tells Kathleen to help Nancy to the bathroom. The silence at the table is harsh and Addison quickly excuses herself. She says it's to check on Nancy and she does but not before a quick cry in her bedroom. She wanted this to be her day, but poisoning her sister-in-law was probably not going to help Carolyn Shepherd any on the acceptance front. When she returns to the dining room, she finds a laughing family, hot dogs now replacing the poisoned turkey on their plates. She asks how Nancy is, but she's left with Mark.

"You always were clever," Carolyn runs a hand through Derek's dark locks. "Just like your father, saving this ruined meal."

And she wants to point out that she just ruined the turkey and they're still eating everything else she made, but she's just the guest now, so she takes a spot next to Amelia and eats hotdog and stuffing without another word.

Mark/Addison - Never Left Los Angeles

Sloan leaves, still pregnant and undecided, a note on the guest bed that Addison finds and it's scary how much they both miss her because they've been a fucked up family for the last month and had almost gotten used to the lack of hot water in the mornings and the outstretched hand that all but demanded money. She was family and they'd been planning on that family expanding to include a number four, went shopping, thought out living arrangements, but the talk Addison had with the teenager when she'd first arrived had obviously been ever present on her mind.

"Does this mean you're going back to Seattle?"

She whispers it in bed that night when they're both sweaty and tangled in the sheets and each other. She hopes he doesn't hear the fear.

"I have nothing in Seattle," he promises and moves across the bed to pull her closer. "You're here."

And then he asks if she's okay and she almost starts crying at the sincerity of his voice because no one cares about her feelings as much as Mark, because she's supposed to be asking him if he's okay after his daughter leaves with his almost grandson and because she's not sure how she went for so long without his arms around her at night.

"I want you to have what you want," she tells him. "You deserve a family."

And then he kisses her and tells her she's all the family he's ever needed and she does start crying.

When they decide to try to expand their family, it's a rough start, but after too many false hopes from the adoption agency and four rounds of IVF, Julia Montgomery-Sloan joins their small family and she makes up for the sadness that it took to get where they are.

Addison/Derek baby's first Halloween

"I can't believe you talked us into this."

Mark is pulling at his eye patch as they make their way to the next house on the street.

"Yeah, because you HAD to be part of it?" Addison asks as she adjusts the feathery hood on Jude's head. "Isn't this the night of women wearing next to nothing?"

"I'm here for the kid's dignity. You dressed him as a parrot. "

"The cutest parrot ever," Addison cuts in as Derek scoops up the baby and hoists him on his shoulders.

"His head, Derek."

"I've got him, Addie. Trick or treat time."

And they ring the doorbell and Addison nudges Mark and they recite the usual "Trick or treat?" and the elderly couple feign over the group of pirates, but mostly the tiny parrot giggling as daddy!pirate bouncy him gently, "like the waves," he'd announced earlier, to which he got an "we're not on a ship, dumbass," reply from Mark.

They lose their more than surly third pirate a street over when they pass by a party with quite a few ladies dressed as naughty nurses.

"I think we have a sleepy parrot," Addison announces when she sees the droopy blue eyes and he's shuffled into her arms as they walk home and in bed by nine.

"Never have I seen him close his eyes so fast," he laughs when he walks downstairs.

"Too much flying."

And her own jokes make her laugh a little too hard. "I am hilarious."

"Sure you are. You are also incredibly hot as a pirate right now."

"So I'm just hot right now. You sure?"

There goes the eyebrow.

"Hot. All the time." He's stalking to her now, predatory, "leave the costume on."


	7. Drabbles, Part Two

_Teeny tiny, by which I mean, 100 word, drabbles._

_Mark/Addison, Bizzy's Funeral_

They're alone in the room with her, what used to be Bizzy Forbes Montgomery.

"She told me not to keep her."

The whisper breaks the silence and the deep breath he hears her take makes him pull her a little closer, her hand finding his.

"I told her about the baby." She looks at him then."She said it would be unseemly, having an illegitimate child. That's what she called her. She said you would never stay," silent tears start to fall. "I'm sorry, Mark. She was wrong."

They stand their until Amelia tells them it's time to bury her.

_Addison/Alex_

They've both been married, something she always finds weird now when she looks at him. Cheating. Cancer. She tries to make him see that he'd never been in the wrong. He tries to make her understand her's hadn't all been her fault. They'll never believe each other, never be free of the trust issues they carry. They're both wrecks who shouldn't be allowed to stomp and be stomped on by any more hearts, but somehow they found each other. And somehow they work.

_Addison, dying_

She plans everything. She tries not to because it's not fair and she won't be there and putting this kind of hurt on someone she already loves so much breaks her in a completely new way, but she can't stop herself. She writes letters, rips up half of them, the ones too fake and contrived and wrong and she lovingly writes the name over and over. What else is she going to do in this room all day? She stares at the calendar with the circled date and waits for the inevitable.

_Addison/Meredith_

She hasn't been to Seattle in years, but with yet another call, she finds herself drawn back in. Another former Mrs. Shepherd needs a consult and who is she to deny her expertise to a newborn? They work well together, no words need to be spoken, hands working together in an almost rhythmic fashion. The girl's good. "You're better at this than Derek is." She arches an eyebrow and smirks as they close up the baby girl. It's not the only thing she finds out the girl is better at doing than Derek.

_Addison/Mark, baby_

It started out routine enough. It didn't take long for too much blood and scared doctors and "Get Mark" and signed papers though. An hour later, he finds himself in the nursery staring down at a patch of red hair and and a blue blanket. "Your mommy loves you so much," he promises, voice breaking when he lifts the bundle into his arms. "I'm sorry she never got a chance to hold you." He moves into her beachhouse the next day.

_Mark/Charlotte_

He moves for her again and she's not ready. She never is. He's starting to feel like she never will be. He finds the blonde on the hospital's roof, cigarrette between her fingers. "You do realize how stupid that makes you?" She laughs and rasps about needing something to fixate on and learns that she's trying to get over the peds doctor Addison works with and then he's in her face because he could be something new to fixate on and much healthier for her than lung cancer. She laughs and they fuck on the roof of St. Ambrose.

_Mark/Addison, Thanksgiving at the Shepherds_

"Amy! Grab Henry's diaperbag. It's in my old room." Amelia rolls her eyes and heads up at Kathleen's request. She hates holidays. She's always forced back into the baby sister role and it's enough to send her to the medicine cabinet. Duty first though. She opens the door and jumps back when she sees the very naked couple. "Oh, God," she whispers. "Can't you guys keep it in your pants until you get home?" It hits her that he's not Derek. "Oh." She smiles, grabs the bag off the floor, and flips the lock before she closes the door back.

_Mark/Addison, Medschool_

"Come on. He's my best friend. And he's nothing like me, so he won't drive you crazy." Mark had been kind of, maybe spending all of his time with Addison Montgomery and while he enjoyed it more than he would ever admit, he was severely lacking in male bonding time. "Okay. I'll meet him. Just stop begging." He'd been excited then. His two favorite people getting to know each other. No more having to choose. He was right about that part at least. Three fights later and Derek and Addison become DerekandAddison and then he's the distant third wheel.

_Addison/Sam_

She's used to the verbal slaps, the constant digs at her whorish ways, the demeaning words he always picks when he speaks to her. It's not that bad, she finally decides because she messes u every relationship she has, so if she has to deal with his mouth, it's a small price to pay. He's still good after all. And one night he actually slaps her. It's harder than her mother ever did and for a moment, she's more lost in thoughts of how than why. He's sorry and he'll never do it again, so she stays. He didn't mean to and she's sure she flirted with a doctor today at hospital. And then he hits her again.

She doesn't tell anyone and she's good at keeping things hidden, but Amelia finds out anyway. One too many trips to the ER. One too many falls. "I'll kill him," she screams when the bruises are no longer hidden beneath too many layers of clothing and Addison's been released with a few broken ribs and an order to take it easy. "He's not coming back in here, Addison." "He won't." Her voice is harsh, different than the mute Addison of lately. A week goes by and Addison's bones heal. They all assume he chased after Naomi.

_Addison, The Hamptons_

They don't know she's been hanging on to the house in the Hamptons until she demands a weekend there. She wants a little bit of happiness, a party even, with the people she loves not looking at her like she's weak and pathetic. She promises she feels better when she's on the plane with Mark and Amelia, says she has more energy than she's had in weeks when she hugs Derek and Richard. She makes Archer and Mark promise not to kill each other and tells Derek to call Amelia once a week. And Mark helps her to her favorite spot, right off the water. She drifts off when the sun sets.

_Derek, Maddison_

He's buried in New York, something he'd probably disagree with, but his mother demanded. Meredith's emotions are set in anger because what dumbass survives a gunshot to the heart only to slam his car into a wall going too fast for a racecar only months later. The Shepherd house is loud. It always is. Despite the death of the last Shepherd man and Addison and Mark are grateful because Mark's hitting all the right spots and pulling her closer and she can't keep quiet. She really doesn't need another reason for the Original She-Shepherd to hate her, but they need to dull the pain.

_Mark/Addison, teenagers_

He grabs her hand and a few bottles from the bar and they sneak out the backdoor. "You looked bored," he shrugs and offers her one of the bottles he snatched from her parents' party. They end up in the shitty part of town and there are far too many tequila shots and kisses and then it's her turn to pull him. She grabs a cab and heads back to familiar surroundings because Addison Forbes Montgomery isn't fucking in the disgusting bathroom of a bar. Her parents aren't there to notice the boy their daughter invites to her room. She leaves the door unlocked, screams louder than necessary, and doesn't make Mark leave until he's had breakfast.

_Derek/Addison, pills_

It's been a year. Right about now he'd be trying out the sounds of 'mama' on his tongue and taking careful steps across the hardwood, but instead, his tiny body is buried close to Derek's father. They say they've moved on. Work is just the same and they want to believe they're okay as a couple, but the house is quiet. She spends too much time in the empty room that once held a crib and too many blue and white onesies and when Derek kisses her, she pulls back. "No, I couldn't find my pills this morning." "We'll risk it." She slaps him.

_Amelia/Charlotte, backsliding is part of recovery_

She finds her at the bar, slumped over, a beer in her hand.

"Give me your bag, Amelia."

The younger woman laughs then and fumbles for her purse. Pulling out a bottle, she shakes it in Charlotte's face. "I love this sound. If you wanted me to share, all you had to do was ask, Charlotte." Before she realizes it, tiny pills are in her hand and Amelia's knocking back a few of her own and it all seems so easy. Her body is healed but her mind still throws her back to that night more times than she can handle each day and she grabs the beer from Amelia and drinks them down. They'll both go through hell for this later, but for now, it feels good.

_Addison/Mark "you named her?"_

"You named her?"

It's the middle of the night and she answered on reflex and trying to make her brain wake up enough to decipher the question is proving difficult. At least she recognizes the voice. "Mark?"

"Ella. Naomi said you named her Ella."

She throws on a robe and sneaks out onto the balcony and she wants to ask what he's doing talking to Naomi, but he asks the question again. "Yes, okay. I named her Ella."

"I'm hapy with Sofia," she hears him promise, but his voice breaks. "I am. I just, Ella's a good name.


End file.
